~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Current of Love" #3 of 10
"Filtering out love and connection-- getting past all our filters, symbols and programs.
The current of intentionality that we create with our thought forms."
Being in touch with the organism; orgasmic sensibility;
reframing our ideations; honing attention to what serves."

12-01-98
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Troimille (yours truly)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

PowerChat:  *** Entered The Tantric Forum on 12/1/98 at 05:58 PM ***

Dohuga:     Hello Troimille

Troimille: Good evening, friends.

OneTernura:       Evening Barry

RosieF6834:       Hello Tromille

Troimille: Hello, high yerself.

Troimille: Hey, Mary! you made it!

Alisnntrnt:       we'll see for how long....

Alisnntrnt:       will someone please log this session?

Alisnntrnt:       i am having probs staying on

Alisnntrnt:       i keep getting waol notices

RosieF6834:       I can try too.....

Alisnntrnt:       thanks

Troimille: I'm autologging, but I get kicked off a lot.

RosieF6834:       I have power tools    and beleive I can   

RosieF6834:      

Troimille: Oops, so much for Alisnntrnt-- try again...

Troimille: Do y'all know what we're going to be doing here tonight?

RosieF6834:       Learning  

Troimille: Did anybody try Homework #2 from last time?

Troimille: Welcome, Vampshrike-- we're getting ready to work on love.

Dohuga:     This is my first time

Vampshrike:       hello Troimille

Troimille: Welcome, Dohuga-- I hope you'll enjoy.

Dohuga:     Thanks

RosieF6834:       RosieF, Hi Vamp,   Hope you all dont mind  

RosieF6834:       I invited him

Vampshrike:       and thanks for letting me join in

Troimille: Welcome, Lightstrms-- we'll be studying Love tonight.  I guess nobody tried Homework 2?

Lightstrms:       thanks

Alisnntrnt:       is someone logging please?

Troimille: Oh, well-- I'll explain it better at the end of the evening.  I am logging.

Alisnntrnt:       thanks Barry

RosieF6834:       I did not.....   actually I deleated it....

RosieF6834:       Thinking I already had it saved

RosieF6834:       I will try to save to log   Mary

Alisnntrnt:       rosie, thnks.....your rainbow threw me off i think...

Alisnntrnt:       i'm on on 3.0 now. maybe that will work better

Troimille: We'll see, eh?

Dohuga:     Alisnn...When I try 4.0 I get booted constantly.

Vampshrike:       Sounds like some bad files there Dohuga

Dohuga:     Vamp...yes..and this is the second download.

Vampshrike:       That happen to me before

Alisnntrnt:       ok people....please join me in welcoming back Barry

Vampshrike:       Try Defraging your system

Alisnntrnt:       for part 3 of his series

Alisnntrnt:       which i love btw!

Dohuga:     OK Vamp, thanks.

Alisnntrnt:       Barry, begin whenever you'd like please

Troimille: :::::::: bows for all the applause :::::::::   Oh, stop that, everybody!

Zensual2U:

Alisnntrnt:       lol

Troimille: This is our third session of "The Current of Love". In our first

Troimille: session, we talked about opening to the power of love; last

Troimille: time we discussed the intent of love.  This week the theme is

Troimille: how we prevent love, and what it takes to foster love.

Troimille: While we're going through this, it is good to keep in mind the

Troimille: question, "What does all this have to do with Tantra?"  Let's

Troimille: start out by asking, "What do I *require* of love?

Troimille: Am I putting obstacles in the way with my expectations?  Do

Troimille: I excuse myself by claiming to have high standards, but am

Troimille: really continuing to repeat old patterns of misery?"

Troimille: ...  Can any of you relate to that?

Vampshrike:       Yes

Dohuga:     Hmmmmmm

TaraStarz: Yes..I can ..right now in my life

Troimille: Dohuga?  Question?

Dohuga:     Not yet....

Troimille: Ok, a little more then...

Troimille: Do you notice that we project our own material onto other

Troimille: people?  That means that we ascribe to, and accuse them of

Troimille: perpetrating pain, blame, discomfort and sorrow onto us? 

Troimille: Maybe all they are doing is following the instructions on the

Troimille: "kick-me" sign we have attached to our backsides, and

Troimille: hating themselves for it-- is that possible?

Troimille: So now let's look at how we set up our kick-me signs and

Troimille: our predetermined failures.  The first thing to notice is that

Troimille: the mechanism in us that responds to each other is

Troimille: primitive; that is, it doesn't matter how much we think we

Troimille: have covered up or "outgrown" our limitations, our self-

Troimille: loathing, our bitternesses and our programmed reactions--

Log Count:  There were 12 member(s) in The Tantric Forum at 06:15 PM

Troimille: Welcome, those who just joined us-- we really just now got started.

Troimille: By now, somebody should be arguing with me... any questions?

TaraStarz: i chose to be emotionally abused but being quiet to keep the peace

Glover38:   first time I've joined u.  thx 4 doing this.  topics sound wonderful.  : )

Troimille: TaraStarz, maybe we could say that you made some choices, but

Troimille: that "emotionally abused" doesn't really describe the choices you

Troimille: made, or what was really happening...?

RosieF6834:       I have been there Tara     Is not a good

RosieF6834:       place to be

TaraStarz: I allowed a marriage based on his needs only

Troimille: Here' the ending of my last paragraph:

Troimille: other people still respond to us from this primitive brain

Troimille: structure rather than from the artificial personae we have

Troimille: learned to present to each other, but mostly we fool only

Troimille: ourselves with.

RosieF6834:       You just accept the way things are   and

RosieF6834:       dont feel you have a choice   right?

TaraStarz: right Rosie..and you submit to days of silent treatment

Troimille: RosieF6834, actually, we don't have a clue how things *are*, just what

Troimille: we keep making out of it, right?

Troimille: TaraStarz, what I am trying to point out is that the other person is

Troimille: doing what we train them to do.

RosieF6834:       yes  Barry    and accepting it because we do

RosieF6834:       not know any better...

TaraStarz: yes..Barry..i agree..and see that now

TaraStarz: but after i learned to love myself..everything changed

RosieF6834:       But their is a much more "loving" with-in

RosieF6834:       ourselves   we all should learn

Tantrea:    Well often times we know better we just do not respect our needs above others

Troimille: Tantrea, my point of view is that we are obsessed with our own needs,

Troimille: and buy everyone off to maintain that obsession.

Tantrea:     unless abuse is our mentor

Troimille: Tantrea, I am hereby deleting the word "abuse"-- nobody abuses me

Troimille: without my having trained them to do it.

Dohuga:     So for whatever reason, at times "abuse" is a need?

Tantrea:    that is you. Others do it because it meets a need

Troimille: Let me go on a little more, and maybe you'll see what I'm talking about.

Troimille: And what is the mechanism by which we maintain our illusion? 

Troimille: I believe last week we talked about this a little, but now we can

Troimille: look at how the "formatory apparatus" keeps the "mirror of self-

Troimille: reflectlion" in place.

Troimille: The "mirror of self-reflection" is a term from Castaneda's work,

Troimille: and it's all about how we indulge in egomania, even those who

Troimille: are sickly or pathetic.

Troimille: Everything is about *me*, whether it's the rain or if somebody

Troimille: else got some advantage or yet another thing isn't "fair" to me

Troimille: or "somebody owes me", etc.  Do you see how this prevents

Troimille: love and intimacy?

Troimille: Is this kind of clear to anybody?

RosieF6834:       I do......   You should be free in spirit

RosieF6834:       and soul

TaraStarz: Yes..I understand it

Troimille: I have to give a couple of definitions here, though...

Tantrea:    certainly it is very clear.

Troimille: The "formatory apparatus" (from Gurdjieff's teaching) is the

Troimille: collection of decoys we use instead of actually ever Thinking or

Troimille: Feeling.

Dohuga:     Yes, it's clear

Troimille:  It's like a bored, underpaid receptionist who has standardized

Troimille: forms in a limited number of bins, and whose job it is to slap

Troimille: labels out of those bins onto anything that comes in to the

Troimille: office, and then rubberstamps it in the name of one of her

Troimille: bosses, who never speak to each other.

Troimille: Her bosses are named "thinking center", "feeling center",

Troimille: "moving center", "instinctive center" and "sex center."  They

Troimille: don't even speak the same language, and they have totally

Troimille: divergent interests.

Troimille: Everything that comes in must get a label from one of the

Troimille: preset bins, or the formatory apparatus discards it if she can't

Troimille: get a close enough fit.  The Centers never hear about it.

Troimille: This explains why we can completely miss the signs of love, of

Troimille: conscience, of brilliance, the entire Miraculous!  It explains why

Troimille: we can justify to ourselves *everything* that we do, and have

Troimille: no trouble condemning anyone else who does the same thing.

Troimille: And it explains why we ridicule or completely deny anything that

Troimille: doesn't fit our set programming.

Troimille: Well, I know this is a big chuck to swallow down, but who can relate to these ideas?

Dohuga:     Who is "we" ?  No one is all one thing or the other.

Tantrea:    and well put.  "me" syndrome 

TaraStarz: but our set programming came about through bad experiences..and we close down

Dohuga:     Anyone with any concept of their "whole" self could think of themselves in such a compartmen

Dohuga:     mentalized way

Troimille: Dohuga, that was my point-- we are composed of all these divergent

Troimille: interests and needs, right?

Dohuga:     Certainly we are all many, many things, parts, needs, etc.....

Troimille: TaraStarz, I come from a pathological family, and I can only be grateful

Troimille: it happened just that way.

Log Count:  There were 15 member(s) in The Tantric Forum at 06:30 PM

TaraStarz: yes..i understand that..same here

Gretalives:       here as well

Troimille: TaraStarz, my point is that we have this *tape* that keeps running in

Troimille: our heads, continually saying "I was abused! I was abused!"

RosieF6834:       what do you mean by pathological?  If I may

RosieF6834:       ask?  

Troimille: And we have no possibilities until we can either turn the tape off, or

Troimille: turn the sound all the way down.

TaraStarz: Yes.that is true, I am here to find out how to stop the tape! LOL

Gretalives:       me tooTara..LOL

Dohuga:     Why can't we turn the tape off?  We can say, "it happened" and "it's not happening now" and

Troimille: RosieF6834, in my case, my mother was in and out of mental hospitals

Troimille: till she killed herself, and my father was cold and distant, and my older

Troimille: brother was cruel.

BriteFire: Tara....you can stop the tape by countering the repeating thought with it's opposite

Dohuga:     move on......can't we?

Troimille: Dohuga, just telling ourselves another story doesn't change our programming, I find.

Tantrea:    We can rise above and learn to love ourselves

Tantrea:    abuse or not

RosieF6834:       OK    Barry I understand   

Dohuga:     Not another story.....THE story.  It happened.

Troimille: BriteFire, I'd just drop down into Quietness, not try to oppose the mechanism.

Dohuga:     And it's not happening now.....we can move on.  Can't we?

Tantrea:    same here Dohuga

Troimille: Dohuga, but it *is* still happening now-- the programming that caused

Troimille: the original pain is still running, limiting and destroying us, till we make

Troimille: some primitive changes in ourselves.

TaraStarz: what about cleansing?  getting rid of the negatives?

Dohuga:     Oh good..I think it's the primitive changes I've been wanting to hear.

Patience9: i did 5 yrs in therapy and ended it

BriteFire: Troimille....changing the mindset is all that is needed...from that all other healing

BriteFire: can and will occur

Troimille: TaraStarz, we can chase the "negatives" around day and night, and

Troimille: they always be a few steps ahead of us. There is something way more

Troimille: basic to do.

TaraStarz: ok..listening

Dohuga:     <~~~~listening

OneTernura:       smash the mirror? 

Dohuga:     LOL OneT

Troimille: BriteFire, I know hundreds of people who use mindset-changing

Tantrea:    Learn by Being!!!  Loving thyself above all else there by learning to love others also

Troimille: technologies, and they are almost all still in major denial, including

RosieF6834:       No way     OneT  or Dohug

Troimille: myself.

Troimille: OneTernura, we are always "smashing the mirror"-- all it does is keep

Troimille: us in delusion. We have to actually look at the mirror, and see what it

Troimille: shows us.

OneTernura:       right.

Vampshrike:       your saying to except who we are

Troimille: Tantrea, it couldn't hurt!

BriteFire: Troimille...I cured myself of an incurable personality disorder with it

Tantrea:    Oh but it does hurt.  But it also cures

Dohuga:     Well accepting yourself is basic.  Is that where we are?

Troimille: Vampshrike, no I am not saying to "accept who we are"...

BriteFire: there may be hundreds that use it half-heartedly with so-so results

Troimille: ... I am saying to look and start finding out what we've been

Troimille: manifesting, and then start the journey to Who We Are.

Vampshrike:       OK

Tantrea:    ah ha once again we are Being!

OneTernura:       hmm...accept ourselves ...in all our totality of delusion, plastic personae, and ...

Troimille: Tantrea, voila!

RosieF6834:       Not accept yourself  but actually Understand

RosieF6834:       who you are and love yourself.....   Make

RosieF6834:       yourself better

OneTernura:       predispostions for "neeeding" to feel abused? oy! what a charming journey that's gonna be...

OneTernura:       but....agreed.

Troimille: OneTernura, I am deliberately not saying "accept"-- just witness

Troimille: impartially-- as if somebody else.

OneTernura:       so...it's like in metta meditation...sort of? just "look" at who we are...

TaraStarz: this is excellent advice

Troimille: OneTernura, good point-- needing to *feel* "abused"-- which is an

Troimille: artificial filter for what is really happening and being experienced.

Tantrea:    walk that mile in those shoes just forget they are yours until you learn the pain and accept

Tantrea:    the differences we accept for others

Tantrea:    is actually our own

Troimille: RosieF6834, mostly right, but it still sounds like you're comparing

Troimille: yourself to some standard of goodness.

Troimille: Let me now roll out the rest of tonight's subject...

Troimille: The main way that this apparatus continues to enslave us is to

Troimille: run "tapes" in our heads all day long; these tapes continually

Troimille: fortify our "convictions" that people don't appreciate me enough,

Troimille: that everyone is out to get me, that everything is too much

Troimille: trouble or too silly, and everything that we never grew out of

Troimille: from our 3-year-old's tantrums.

Troimille: We have "creatively" concealed that we are indulging a 3-year-

Troimille: old brat instead of expressing an adult HUMAN without

Troimille: quotation marks.

Troimille: So the first step that we are taught in our inner work is to

Troimille: gradually build up a center of silence in the middle of ourselves,

Troimille: where we have at least a chance to get clear of the self-

Troimille: destructive tapes that keep us running.

Troimille: After we have developed a strong center of silence, we begin to

Troimille: actually have Will, and to be in touch with the Knowledge it

Troimille: takes to express Will.

Troimille: But as we find ourselves, we have no will whatsoever, so it

Troimille: begins with making a lot of tiny choices every day.  We will

Troimille: remember to do this only if we commit ourselves to a contract

Troimille: between me and my Ultimate Self.

Troimille: The contract is simple: it says "I am going to set my butt down

Troimille: in my meditation seat at 5:30 a.m. for 15 minutes, no excuses"

Troimille: and "I am going to examine as many of the unconscious

Troimille: decisions I make as possible, without justifying myself or

Troimille: excusing myself."

Troimille: .

Log Count:  There were 16 member(s) in The Tantric Forum at 06:45 PM

Troimille: Do you see what we have to go through before we can even

Troimille: begin to hope to give and get a contract with another human

Troimille: being to love, honor, cherish, and be loyal to, for the rest of my

Troimille: days, with all my heart?

Troimille: Do we mean anything that we say at all?  It's as if every

Troimille: promise I make, whether to myself or to somebody else, has ;)

Troimille: or LOL after it.  There is nobody home here to be serious and

Troimille: consistent-- no steward, no master in the house.

Troimille: What can we hope for if we are not even here to know what

Troimille: goes on? Everything will be taken away from us, and we will be

Troimille: none the wiser.

Troimille: Well, friends-- is this too negative or hopeless of a point of view?

Tantrea:    not if we make that promise to ourselves

TaraStarz: it's a tough point of view that is probably needed to shake us out of our "habits"

Troimille: But everybody wants "instant" success, and this evolution takes decades-- is it worth it?

Vampshrike:       habits are hard to change but not impossible

OneTernura:       only negative or hopeless if there's no windex in the house to wipe the mirror off...

Tantrea:    is living worth it?

OneTernura:       and that's about as "instant" as it gets for some.

Tantrea:    it darn well better be

Troimille: Good question-- is it to you?

Gretalives:       yes it is hard but worth it

TaraStarz: i hope that it won't take decades of aloneness..

Tantrea:    it is me but isit to you/

Troimille: TaraStarz, nope-- but decades of continually sacrificing our precious suffering.

Troimille: Tantrea, yes, dear-- I keep sobbing in gratitude and appreciation for Life.

Tantrea:    now we have a sacrifice worth forfeiting

TaraStarz: after going thru this process..how then will we feel "ready" to love properly?

Troimille: TaraStarz, it's not a matter of "feeling ready"-- we ARE Love when we

Troimille: remove all the deadwood.

RosieF6834:       Tara   there is no way of "proper Loving"  

Troimille: RosieF6834, why not?

Tantrea:    only loving~~

RosieF6834:       Thats what others have instilled upon us

Tantrea:    Rosie

TaraStarz: Can we truly love ourselves..if there is still some deadwood?  I feel that I love myself now

Tantrea:    makes it proper

Gretalives:       so much deadwood.. so much deadwood to be removed

RosieF6834:       What do you feel "proper Loving" is?

Troimille: Tantrea, mostly what we call "love" is possession and manipulation and

Troimille: shallow gratification, isn't it?

Troimille: TaraStarz, you are still attached to your victimhood-- isn't that in the

Tantrea:    shall we determine if love is possession?

Troimille: way of your loving your Self?

Tantrea:    not from my standpoint it is giving

Tantrea:    and accepting in return

TaraStarz: i feel proper loving is total openess in everything..nothing hidden ..no slanted perceptions

Troimille: Tantrea, we shall *discern*, yes, indeed.

Troimille: TaraStarz, good way to put it-- thanks.

Tantrea:    it is the ability to receive that determines the quality we can give

Tantrea:    personal opinion of course

Gretalives:       Barry- but isnt your point that so many of us are not even conscious that our perceptions

Gretalives:       are slanted?

Troimille: Tantrea, of course you are right-- and everything we've looked at

Troimille: tonight is what is in the way of clear receiving-- we've got all these

Troimille: excuses and mechanisms.

Tantrea:    deadwood

Troimille: Gretalives, ALL of us here on this planet are unconscious and biased

Troimille: and hidden and filtered and programmed, yes.

Troimille: Actually, there is one more paragraph to wrap up my exposition tonight...

Troimille: .

Troimille: It is uncomfortable to really look into that other mirror -- the Truth -- and

Troimille: find out how out-of-control my life is, what I am really putting out to

Troimille: other people (my "kick-me" sign) instead of what my heart wishes

Troimille: them to know, how much I have lost by being "right" all the time.

Troimille: .

Troimille: So now it's open discussion on these ideas-- what investment do you each have

Troimille: in blocking vulnerability?

Gretalives:       Barry - one term you used that i have constanly used .."precious suffering"

Gretalives:       my suffering has always ben that to me

SoulMan911:       just try dropping those defenses ..seems kike a lot of wasted energy..trying to keep the, up

Gretalives:       and as such i have not been willing to let it go

Troimille: Yes, Greta-- why do you say that?

Tantrea:    Barry isnt it being vulnerable that allows for being loving and loved

Log Count:  There were 16 member(s) in The Tantric Forum at 07:00 PM

Gretalives:       becuase in some way Barry.. i must love it

Troimille: SoulMan911, more than "kind of"-- without that drain, we are *literally* the Miraculous!

Troimille: Tantrea, exactamento!

Tantrea:    and we must be willing to go that extra mile

Troimille: Gretalives, who is "i" that "loves" my suffering???

Gretalives:       Barry.. I is the sum of the suffering

Troimille: Gretalives, actually, I-AM-SELF-DIVINE is the entire sum of *conscious* suffering.

Gretalives:       yes ... yes

Troimille: ... and our teensy, self-destructive ego-self mechanism is the sum total of all

Troimille: our *un*conscious suffering.

Troimille: Unfortunately, most people go to their graves with only having "experienced" the latter...

Troimille: ... because it is "too much trouble" to drop my suffering!

Gretalives:       excatly!

Troimille: ... and besides, "everything is perfect just the way it is, so I don't have to

Troimille: change anything in myself"

SoulMan911:       or to afraid to change ...their lives

Tantrea:    Ah YES there is a God!!!

Troimille: SoulMan911, yes, WE are afraid to change OUR lives, right.

Troimille: Tantrea, and what's Her name?

Tantrea:    LOL  Tantrea

Troimille: :::::: Tantrea slaps own back so hard sprains shoulder ::::::::

Gretalives:       lol

Troimille: (not-- I don't invoke injury)

Troimille: So, friends-- what could it mean that, without the constant drain, I AM the

Troimille: Miraculous, and without the "protection", I AM Love?

Troimille: (that sounds like unsafe sex, doesn't it?)

SoulMan911:       you are pure

SoulMan911:       free of all societies hangups

Troimille: SoulMan911, what if there is no "society"???  Maybe it was all oneself always?

SoulMan911:       free to explore the real human being that you are

Troimille: SoulMan911, real Human Being- that's a whole nother subject, I think.

Gretalives:       tue Barry.. it really was and is only oneself

Tantrea:    and enjoy the journey soul

Gretalives:       first

SoulMan911:       and share the ljourney with others

Troimille: Do you all believe you can just decide to get out from behind the mechanism? 

Troimille: It's quite a supercop...

SoulMan911:       all begins with a thought

Gretalives:       Barry - no I have " decided" so many times

Gretalives:       but deciding and actually going through the process

Gretalives:       are 2 distinct things

Tantrea:    isn't all of life's worthwhile ventures ??

Gretalives:       it is easy to " decide" - hardest to " do"

Troimille: The mechanism is a powerful but not terribly observant brute.  We can make

Troimille: small changes, and it won't notice. What kinds of changes?

Log Count:  There were 15 member(s) in The Tantric Forum at 07:15 PM

SoulMan911:       once you learn to clearly love yourself ..you begin to look around ..and your senses become

SoulMan911:       more aware

Troimille: What small choices can we make a few times a day, to start with?

Troimille: SoulMan911, it's a long way before we can count on loving our Self.

Tantrea:    Stop 'meing" and start Being

Joymoon:     a very long time

SoulMan911:       only long in ones own mind

Troimille: Tantrea, nicely *said*-- now what are the steps to *being*?

Tamerri:    perhaps accepting ourselves until we can love ourselves

Gretalives:       we can choose to turn off the tape insted of listening to it.. that is a beginning

Tantrea:    forgiving

Troimille: SoulMan911, where else is there?  I am trying to be pragmatic.

Tantrea:    forgetting

Gretalives:       yes.. forgiving

Tantrea:    beginning

Alisnntrnt:       being aware Barry

Troimille: *Forgetting*???  We have already been all too successful at forgetting.

SoulMan911:       depends alot on where you have been and what you feel you have to gain or lose

Tantrea:    we are seldom successful at forgetting

Troimille: Gretalives, it takes immense Power to turn off the tape-- what are some small

Troimille: steps toward that?

Gretalives:       Wow Barry.. you tell me ..PLEASE!!! lol

Troimille: Tantrea, we are speaking of two different kinds of forgetting.  You are right that

Troimille: we must drop our issues and agendae.

Vampshrike:       forgiving and embrassing and keep it in the past, Move on to a new beginning

Tantrea:    well said vamp

Troimille: Gretalives, making a quiet place in ourselves every day, forgiving each time,

Troimille: setting something aside.

Troimille: Vampshrike, embracing yes-- and that brings everything into the *Present*

Troimille: where it belongs-- every part of my self.

Troimille: ... and throwing back everything that does not belong to me.

Vampshrike:       but do not let the past weight you down in the present though

Troimille: Vampshrike, done by embracing and forgiving and thanking and committing.

Tantrea:    shed the fakery veils and accept who and what we are

Troimille: Tantrea, I still won't say that, because there is so much to find out about what we ARE.

Troimille: We accept way too easily, and what we bought is mostly a crock.

Tantrea:    for some perhaps not so for others

Troimille: Tantrea, for tonight, please humor me-- there are enough "back doors" and

Troimille: "reasons" to derail our work.

Tantrea:    not looking at back doors Barry just doors.

Tantrea:    sorry!!

Troimille: Tantrea, no need sorry-- just trying to get a few ideas out.

Tantrea:    trying to give some. 

Troimille: Tantrea, what you are saying is fine, but tends to de-emphasize the urgency of

Troimille: this evolutionary work.

Troimille: For me it is urgent because I have always looked in the face of my Death.

Troimille: ... and evolutionary because it has taken 45 years of struggle against sleep.

Troimille: I have to act as if this were my last month on earth, and complete as much as I can.

Troimille: .. and that means to be a vessel of Love.

Troimille: ... to me.

Log Count:  There were 10 member(s) in The Tantric Forum at 07:30 PM

Troimille: Does anyone else feel an urgency to complete and ascend?

MEAD MSTR: no ! Everything has its time and place

Gretalives:       I do

MEAD MSTR: I guess its just acceptance

Troimille: MEAD MSTR, for some of us, now is the time and this is the place.  Sure, not everybody.

Troimille: Gretalives, what are you willing to give up?

MEAD MSTR: sounds like the grass is greener syndrome

Troimille: What are you willing to accept?

Gretalives:       Barry.. i am willing to give up everything.. accept everything

Troimille: MEAD MSTR, that's not how I mean it, at all.

Troimille: MEAD MSTR, to me it means to become Perfectly aware of how very green

Troimille: THIS grass is right here under my feet.

MEAD MSTR: I believe in BE here now

MEAD MSTR: Life is a gift.........embrace it........love it for what it is

Troimille: Gretalives, we can't be "willing" to do that yet, because "we" have no *Will*

Troimille: yet.  Too fragmented still-- be patient, urgently...

Gretalives:       urgently patient?

Troimille: Gretalives, yes-- keep the wish stoked, but watch the timing, watch for signs

Troimille: and clues along the way-- like a hunter.

Gretalives:       alright. yes

Troimille: Gretalives, stalk your self till you truly know your Self.

Troimille: Any other questions before I leave?

Alisnntrnt:       any assignment for next time Barry?

Troimille: Alisnntrnt, since nobody seems to have attempted it, I am still leaving last

Troimille: week's assignment: Notice whether your "choices" are conscious or

Troimille: habitual. Notice what you really have any choice about. Notice whether

Troimille: you can intend beyond circumstances.

Alisnntrnt:       good, this one needs more time

Troimille: Everybody said they understood it, I think, but this is extremely subtle work.

Esnshl4me: Barry, seems to take more than a couple of weeks

Troimille: We are way too facile in congratulating ourselves on our "self-awareness" and

Troimille: our "free will", but we are slaves of every passing push and pull.

Troimille: This exercise is designed to show us how little will we really have, and how

Troimille: automatic our decisions are.

Alisnntrnt:       Barry, thanks again for sharing.  As always, it has been enjoyable.

Troimille: Until we have somewhat mastered this, we cannot claim to Love-- "it" loves (by

Troimille: manipulating and taking prisoners), "it" communicates (by demanding and

Troimille: throwing tantrums)...

RosieF6834:                                

Troimille: Questions?

TaraStarz: this was a very good forum for me Barry..thanks

Alisnntrnt:       just a comment Barry...this assignment is not easy

Troimille: Alisnntrnt, what are you running into?

Gretalives:       Barry. can you once more speak about what it means to "intend"?

Log Count:  There were 7 member(s) in The Tantric Forum at 07:45 PM

Alisnntrnt:       taking the time to really see what i'm doing Barry

Troimille: TaraStarz, I'm glad- it would have been very easy for you to take offense at my

Troimille: "presumption", wouldn't it?

MEAD MSTR: being conscious instead of unconcious

Troimille: Alisnntrnt, right-- and making the contract with yourself.

Alisnntrnt:       remaining in the present

Troimille: MEAD MSTR, right-- a process of awakening, gradually.

Troimille: Gretalives, yes-- Intending:

Alisnntrnt:       i've made the contract i think, now i am doing the work

Troimille: Deciding with my heart, putting my head in the service of my heart, being whole

Troimille: and single-purposed.

Troimille: Gretalives, do you understand the way I put it?

Gretalives:       yes Barry.. thank you

Troimille: ... Making such a strong Contract that everything else falls away.

Troimille: *Being* my aim.

Troimille: Alisnntrnt, we don't succeed at any of our "contracts" for a while, because we

Troimille: are not yet integrated enough to speak for the majority of my self.

Troimille: (sorry my pronouns are so messy)

Troimille: Ok, is that enough to get started?

Alisnntrnt:       yes Barry, for me it is

Esnshl4me: Yes, thanks Barry

Gretalives:       yes Barry.. thank you so very much

Troimille: Ok, thank you all for sharing and receiving tonight.  Try out these ideas and see

Troimille: if you can confirm any of them, ok?

Alisnntrnt:       will do Barry

Gretalives:       yes

Troimille: Great-- I'll see you all shining in 2 weeks, just before candlemass, eh?

Alisnntrnt:       thanks so much Barry, for being here and sharing

Alisnntrnt:       and thanks to all who participated

Troimille: :::::: bows humbly, hits floor ::::::::

Gretalives:       :-)

Alisnntrnt:       Namaste'

RosieF6834:       Thank you Barry

Troimille: Thank you all!  Sweet dreams, friends.

Gretalives:       Namaste

Esnshl4me: Good night all

RosieF6834:       Namaste'